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Wednesday, March 8, 2017

On Depression

For past several weeks, I’ve been severely depressed.  I usually don’t talk about myself that much on my blog, mostly because nobody really cares that much, but I am this time to explain why my blog entries have been sparse in the past several weeks.

I’ve been working as a contractor for the several months.  It was originally supposed to be a six month to permanent position but that contract has been extended by about a month.  I’m not complaining too much about that, it’s just unusual.  In the back of my head, I am paranoid that this means I’m going to be unemployed soon.

It may be true.  I could end up losing this job instead of getting converted to permanent.  But that wouldn’t be a terrible turn of events really.  I would just have to go through the interview process all over again.  And I would find a job one way or another.

But I doubt any of that has to do with my depression.  I mean, sure, such situations would be a case for stress but I think that depression is just something that hits us and we amplify all the bad things in our life as a result.

I know that if I talked to a professional about this, they would probably recommend drugs.  I have no interest in taking drugs to make me feel better about myself.  It’s a crutch I don’t with to have.

Instead, I just have to ride this out and hopefully, things will get more stable in my life later on.  For the time being, however, I have to just live with these feelings and cope as best I can.

I wonder if depression isn’t caused by anything and that people who are chronically depressed are simply more prone to it.  What I mean is, I wonder if there isn’t something we can point to in order to explain or rationalize how we feel.  We know that we shouldn’t feel this way, but we can’t help it.

So we blame external factors we can’t control.  Job security, loss of loved ones, familial stress, childhood trauma, etc.  We know that there’s something wrong with how we feel but we make up excuses for it.

Perhaps depression is merely a spiritual attack.  From what I understand, science has yet to properly map brain activity associated with depression.  So the only thing left, for the time being, is that some people’s brains are merely wired to have problems with depression.

And the Enemies of God exploit this weakness to make people ineffectual.  Depressed people can spiral in very bad ways.  Their relationships fall apart, their dietary habit suffer greatly, and they become less than productive. 

Maybe that’s why the Corporatist Elite push anti-depressant medications.  They wish for people to be happy, dumb consumers and depressed people are a drag on society overall.

Anyway, for the time being, I have to ride this out.  I do feel that I am starting to come out of it, but I am not going to get optimistic about it.  After all, I could wake up tomorrow and feel like utter crap again.