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Thursday, October 22, 2015

Election 2016 So Far

So Vice President Joe Biden will not run for President.  That’s a good thing considering he’s from Delaware.  If you haven’t been there, just understand that there is nothing to do but pay bridge tolls, gawk at the Mennonites, and gamble.

Senator Jim Webb dropped out because he’s not communist enough.  No really.  He is probably the only moderate in the entire party at the national level.

Lincoln Chafee wants to convert to the metric system.  Probably the only constitutional position any Democrat has had since before the Secession (Civil) War.

Bernie Sanders is, well, an old man who honeymooned in the Soviet Union.  No, seriously.  Maybe he got to participate firsthand in one of Stalin’s purges.  He looks old enough to have done so.

And Hilary Clinton continues to run despite facing criminal charges which carry a decade or more of prison time.  She won’t be charged of course, but one can dream.

Hilary Clinton will probably win the nomination and subsequently lose the election because modern women don’t like older, bossy women telling them what to do.  Also, her shrill voice causes miscarriages and nobody wants to see those skyrocket during the State of the Union Address.

On the Republican side, we have Donald Trump and Ben Carson at the front with a bunch of losers at their backs begging for them to slow down.

Senator Rand Paul sold his soul and thus lost the Ron Paul supporters.

Ben Carson won points for saying he wouldn’t want a Muslim in the Presidency.  Despite speculation that there already is one, this was considered a controversial statement by the mainstream media of a country that is 70%-82% Christian.

Carly Fiorina was the former head of HP, a company known for charging the same price for print cartridges as the printer that they fit in.  In other words, she’ll probably find new and creative ways to tax Americans or have us risk being unable to turn in our dissertations on time.

And finally we have Donald Trump, a man who probably needs no introduction.  As a man who is filthy rich, has a hot wife, and has managed several businesses over the years, he also has celebrity status for his reality shows and movie cameos.  On top of that, he has declared bankruptcy several times in the past, which is a skill we need in a future president considering the status of the US national debt.

And that’s the summary of the significant candidates as I see it.