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Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Chasing the Virgin Unicorn

Rollo Tomassi, the author of the The Rational Male blog, posted an interesting piece last night.  He made an interesting observation:

There’s a wishful contingent of guys in the ‘sphere who think finding a young virgin bride before the world’s corrupted her pure soul is (or at least should be) a tenable goal. I understand the want and logic behind that, but even with a virgin bride there is no insulation from the sexual marketplace or the realities women experience as they mature.

This is an important point about the nature of Female Hypergamy.  Even if you managed to find a virgin and marry her in this modern age where the median sexual partners a woman has is about 3-4, she may still divorce you in the end.  This is because the nature of women when it comes to the sexual marketplace is, by and large, a universal law.

What Rollo fails to point out (or see, I’m not sure), is that virginal women are less likely to leave their husbands than women who have had one or previous sexual partners.  In a survey where women provided their sexual history and their martial status after ten years, women who were virgins were 82% likely to stick with their husbands.  When she had one previous partner, it dropped to about 53%.

The survey, however, is flawed.  It only covers the first ten years and Rollo has pointed out in the past that there are two points when a married couple re-evaluates their marriage: one at around 7 years and one at around 20 years.

The latter one is one I have witnessed happen three times among people within my own church.  It usually happens when the kids move out (or are going to college and thus effectively moved out), and the parents realize that they can’t relate to each other anymore for whatever reason.  In one case, I suspected sex stopped entirely courtesy of the wife as the husband immediately started dating other women once his youngest was gone.

So while the study I’ve mentioned is accurate to a degree, there still is a risk.

The manosphere seeks to mitigate the risk by marrying a virgin.  This is because virgins are considered LTR material in nearly all cultures throughout history until these modern times and because it has been widely known that virgins do tend to stick with husbands more so than not.

But Rollo is correct in that it does not prevent any woman from desiring what she has could have had.  This is why it is important to maintain the ALPHA frame in your marriage most of the time.  Sure, you need to go BETA sometimes, but not as often as people make it out.  Game still applies in marriage no matter what, especially in this day and age where women have the ability to fend for themselves much more easily than they have in the past.

So maintain your frame and understand that women will always be women.  There will just be varying degrees of who much of a Party Girl they are.  Understanding this and applying Game should ensure that she will come back to you.

Of course, there are guarantees in all of this.  She is her own person after all and at the end of the day, she may make a decision that breaks everything you have worked for.  But that’s part of life’s risks that men need to accept.