Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Musings on Game, Women, Men, and Marriage

I’ve been watching and reading the manosphere for a while now.  For those of you who don’t know, the manosphere is, it is basically a group of men who are standing up to the cultural norms when it comes to male-female interaction.

Mostly it has taken the form of blogging.  Pretty much all major news outlets and even the alternative ones won’t give them the time of day.  And when they do, it tends to be biased.

Originally, the manosphere was a group of men mentoring each other in how to bed chicks with much less fuss.  It usually involved experienced Alphas discussing their own experiences in what works and what doesn’t.

It has grown from there.  Now there is a wide range of topics, which include pushing back against feminism, Social Justice, and various other social and cultural ills.  There are still the Pick-up Artists out there, but it goes well beyond that.

Anyway, one of the key features is the discussion of Alpha traits versus Beta traits.  Basically, Alpha traits are what women ultimately want in their men, many of which they would outright deny, while Beta traits are turn offs for women, which they claim they want.

For those of you who don’t know the difference, look at it as women being attracted to jerks while nice guys finish last.  It’s a basic difference, but it is all about behavior.

I didn’t discover all of this until after I was married.  I had already began exhibiting Alpha traits but was mostly Beta in my interactions with my wife.  I never put up with garbage with her.  If she accused me of something that wasn’t true, I wouldn’t apologize like a dog, but stand up for myself.  Yes, the confrontation was brutal, but being afraid of confrontation is what makes modern marriage female dominated and unbiblical.

While I cannot apply pick-up artist techniques against other women, I can still apply Alpha traits in my marriage.  It is about taking up the mantle of true male headship, something that is not earned but granted.  We are supposed to be the leaders in our marriages.

And women, by the nature of their curse, hate that.  Left to their own devices, they will seek to dominate their men for no other reason than their natural envy.

Relationships by their nature always have a dominant and submissive dynamic.  All of them.  You are either the leader or the follower.  If you have to question your role, then you are probably the follower, not the leader.

Asserting headship is what men need to do in this life.  Man-dominated society is not a bad thing.  It built great civilizations and maintained order among the rabble of sinners.  It wasn’t perfect nor was it a Utopia, but it was better than what the last several decades of female-centric governing have wrought in the West.

Yes, man has great capacity for insanity, stupidity, and destruction.  We are the more aggressive sex.  As a whole, we commit more crimes, more rapes, more murders, and more misery.  But we also build more, we discover more, we strive to be more than we are, and we dream bigger than most women.

This is not a hit against women.  Most women strive for much simpler things in their lives.  At the end of it all, most women regret not having more children, unlike most men who regret not doing more with their lives.  They have a natural desire to breed.

Our modern society has perverted that desire.  Instead, it demands the women first take additional education for careers that will not fulfill them or bring them happiness (it does not for most men).  It demands that women waste their best child-bearing and most attractive years on fling after fling of pointless dating and hook-ups.

The effect of this is that most men with Beta traits are left in the dust, only to receive a woman who has been used up.  She has debts, no virginity, and a mediocre career.  Only then will she come to a man to “save” her from the drudgery of her once fun life.

But he cannot satisfy her.  He cannot make her happy.  His purpose was never to make her happy, only secure.  And so she leaves him after a time because she doesn’t feel “fulfilled” in her marriage.

But divorce only leaves her worse off than before.  Having wasted her youth hooking up and spending the better part of her child-bearing years with a Beta, she is now used goods that not even the Alphas will fuck.

This is not always the case.  But it is a general synopsis of what goes on in modern America.  Sure the stories are always different.  In some cases, the husband cheats on her, only after she intentionally withheld sex from him and thrust him into a dangerous situation.  In other cases, she blames the numerous debts they’ve racked, largely at her behest, although not always the case.

These are just examples though.  I am sure that most stories have their own uniqueness to them.  But at the end of the day, it is most women who initiate divorces, not men.

So now men have to go super Alpha if they want to remain attractive to women.  Where as in the past, a Beta could secure a wife and have a relatively happy life (and she would be happy as well), these days women are miserable and remain so unless a man steps and demands what should be his by default.

For my fellow Christian men who scoff as these notions, keep in mind that the Apostles wrote about this.  Both Peter and Paul demanded that wives be submissive to their husbands in separate letters.  They would not have taken the time to do so if they did not think it was a problem for most men, even back then.

Yes, they did instruct husbands to love their wives, but understand that modern man has no trouble loving his wife.  But everywhere I look, wives have trouble submitting to their husbands.  And while I could blame our society or feminism or Social Justice on this, I think it really just comes down too many men being too humble before their wives.

Being humble is a good thing when you have direct access to God, like Moses did.  But it doesn’t work out too well when dealing with disobedient brothers and sisters in Christ.  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loves His Church.  Rebuke them as needed as Christ rebuked Peter when Peter tried to prevent our Lord from obeying God.  Remember, love is an action.  It is not a feeling.

Wives should submit to their husbands, no matter how he is behaving.  If he is being a pig and sitting around doing nothing to contribute to the house, submit to him.  If he is committing adultery, submit to him, no matter how much it hurts.  If he is demanding sex, submit to him.  Only if he demands that you break your oath to him in marriage should you not submit to him because it was an oath you made before God.  If you are uncertain as to whether or not you are breaking your oath, then you are not.  Marital vows are quite clear on these matters.

I don’t have a perfect marriage.  It has had its hardships despite my best efforts.  My wife is a wild woman who is troublesome at times.  But I swore an oath before God and my obedience to God is more important than personal happiness.  So while I have had bad times, especially of late, I will continue forward.

It isn’t a matter of time really, just a matter of prayer and the hope that the Lord would open her eyes to see His Truth in these matters.  She has already considered divorce many times but each time she knows that she would be worse off leaving than staying.  And that’s a start, a turning point.  Most women would have simply left.

Should I do things differently?  Perhaps.  But I refuse to change who I am when I like who I am.  So I will have to adjust my behavior toward her.  But I will not become something I don’t like for her sake.

And maybe that is why I have trouble with Game.  Perhaps it’s the idea of having to change yourself for the sake of women you really would give two shits about at the end of the day.  Isn’t that the paradox in Game?  The idea of changing yourself for women so that you don’t care about women?

As for myself, I don’t care about a lot of that as much.  Maybe I drew the short straw when it comes to marriage, but it is my straw that I drew.  It is where I am right now and I will not destroy for the sake of potentially more happiness.  Such things are hedonistic at their core.

I think Christian men should do well to remember this.  You need to be the dominant person in your marriage.  This does not mean dominating per se, but it does mean being the leader.  And wives need to submit to their husbands no matter how many times he does that thing you hate.

This is the path that has been laid out before us by God.  Embrace it and you may find contentment and purpose.  Deny it and you will definitely find unhappiness and misery.