So by now a lot of people have seen the following spreadsheet on the Internet:
It was posted by an anonymous career woman who received this e-mail from her husband while traveling on a 10-day business trip. He basically said this is why I won’t miss you over the next 10 days.
Now, there has been a lot of observations made over the manosphere and various other outlets. Comments ranging from full support of the wife’s disobedience to full support of the husband’s plight.
I’d like to make a couple of observations of my own regarding this:
- In our current society, women are the gatekeepers of sex. It should not be this way, especially when she pledges her life to a man in a sacred ceremony until death (or unhappiness) do them part. The whole idea of marriage is that a couple engage in a monogamous relationship where consent is implied and sex is a regular activity. The whole point of marriage for a man is to have regular sex with one person they find attractive. Without regular sex, you become a roommate who shares a bed.
- The spreadsheet was nearly two months in the making. This indicates careful forethought and frustration in the months before it was started. This means that she has been doing this to her husband for the majority of their marriage. Not a good sign for their marriage.
- If the intention of the spreadsheet was to shame her into having more sex, it will not work that way. While it will put her on the defensive, she will only rationalize it into his problem, not hers. That is generally what women do when it comes to sex: they rationalize their lack of fidelity into the man’s fault. Despite that, the husband should not accept any kind of blame from her. None of this is his fault exactly.
- Given the nature of the comments she made, it is quite clear that the wife is not physically attracted to her husband anymore. I don’t know why this is, but that is the case. Now, there are things he can do to make himself more attractive to her, but most of these things take time (going to the gym, cutting carbs, etc.) to have an effect. The most immediate thing he can do is to change his attitude about how he relates to her. Think back to what you did when you first started dating her. That needs to apply here.
- The wife is probably cheating on her husband on a regular basis. The lack of sex is not the only reason why either. She is working at a job where she goes on business trips that last for days. She probably makes more money that her husband as well. All of these things are a recipe for disgust and she will look for better opportunities in her sex life. This is why I don’t believe that most wives should be allowed to have a career in my opinion because it brings about temptation to look for something better than their current husband.
I know that neither the anonymous wife or husband will probably ever read this blog post, given the number of blog posts already done for this spreadsheet along with the various online articles from much more popular sites. But this is a problem for many men in their marriages and it is an unfortunate state of affairs today. In marriage 2.0, the wife is the one who calls the shots and only a sufficiently Alpha personality type can successfully change the dynamic.
I don’t recommend making a spreadsheet. I recommend doing what you would do if you were single: get in shape, lose weight, start studying how to make your personality more attractive to women, etc. This may not work to attract your own wife and if that is the case, you’ll at least be equipped for if she decides to end things. If you are married and do not have children and you find yourself in this situation, then you need to ensure that you don’t have children in the event of the divorce.
And if you end up divorcing, fight her every step of the way, especially if she makes more than you. Fight for alimony from her, make her life a living hell, and flip the tables on her by living well while you are separated. Ex-wives hate it when their ex-husbands show up to the hearings with a smile on their face and scowl on his lawyer’s face.
I do hope that this couple does not separate or divorce. This young woman is wasting her prime sexual years by not indulging her husband whose own libido will diminish over time as well. She is in her mid-20s, apparently, and it is downhill from there in terms of looks and attractiveness. Marriage has shown to provide a reliable sexual partner who remains attracted to his or her spouse even as said spouse’s looks deteriorate due to age. My advice is, as always, to stay married. But I would understand if they end up divorcing.