Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Response to a Christian Woman’s Advice For Men

I found an old blog post from a site called “To Love, Honor, and Vacuum” (notice she left out “Obey”), a Christian blog site written by a woman.  The post in question is titled “Men: Here’s What I Wish I Could Say to You About Sex”.  I won’t quote the entire blog, but I do wish to respond to this as I am a Christian husband and I honestly think she is off in her list, significantly so in some cases.

1. Tell Your Wife She’s Beautiful

On the surface, this isn’t a bad thing.  Complimenting your wife let’s her know that she is treasured by you is important.  But I should point out that Sheila (the blogger) points out that you should never criticize your wife for how she looks.  In other words, instead of leaving this first point at a simple request.

To put it another way: lying to your wife is a sin.  Not telling her she’s beautiful as she’s stuffing her face with pizza is not a sin.  A husband wants his wife to be admired by others for her beauty.  Not for her obesity.

Also, your husband was not put on the planet to turn you into a goddess through his frequent compliments.  You choose to marry him because you wanted him to provide you with child-making juice and leadership.  So stop trying to make him like you.

2. Touch Her-Without Expecting It To Go Anywhere

This is the call of a frigid woman.  In other words, she is assuming that all men think about is sex all the time, especially when they touch her.  But this goes much deeper: she is essentially saying that women are allowed to reject their husbands who make sexual advances without actually saying it.  What Sheila is saying here is that she gets to say when she has sex with her husband and not the other way around.

This is rebellion against the husband, which is a Biblical sin.  No, a husband cannot take his martial privileges from his wife by force, but at the same time, she condemns him to burn with passion.  And eventually that passion burns out in other avenues.

3. Don’t Make Her More Exhausted Than She Already Is

Here’s some advice that I find astounding.  Basically, she is demanding that men pitch in and do the housework so that she’s not too exhausted.

What does this have to do with sex?  Most women do next to nothing when having sex with a man.  The man is the one who does the heavy lifting in most cases.

Also, doing housework does not turn women on.  It demonstrates that you are a rube, someone who can be taken advantage of, and women despise that.

Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t do housework.  But husbands should do it for themselves, not for sex.

4. Figure Out Where The Clitoris Is-And What To Do With It

Is there a wholesome, instructional Christian video about this?  Because the only sources we will find on the subject will be porn.  But I am getting ahead of myself.

For a wife to make demands about sex to her husband is a turn off for most men.  You want a more pleasurable experience from your husband?  Try pleasing him first.  And suggest things in a flirty or seductive manner.  Do not demand that he go down on you.  He will refuse and be disgusted by your attempts at domination.

5. Porn Is Cheating. Deal With It.

No doubt that pornography is a sin.  And I have no doubt that it damages a man’s expectations of his wife when it comes to sex.

That being said, it is not cheating.  If that were the case, then every Christian woman should divorce her husband since he has broken the marriage covenant.

The true reason that Christian women like Sheila rail against pornography so much is because they are envious of the women portrayed in porn taking their husband’s attention away from them.  They want to be the center of a husband’s sexual attraction.  And that’s a valid desire.

But if you want to be the center of your husband’s sexual desires, then you’ll have to do things that make you uncomfortable (and no, that doesn’t necessarily mean anal).

6. Talk To Her

Are you a quarrelsome wife?  If so, then your husband may not wish to talk to you because of all the criticism and complaints he’ll have to suffer through.

Talking is exhausting for men.  We work all day and we just want silence and solace at the end of the day.  This does not mean we don’t want to talk.  We just want to shut our brains off for a time.

Also, many of the things we like to talk about are uninteresting to most women and vice versa.  So if you want to really talk to your husband, get ready for discussions on things like politics, sports, video games, books, and movies that are usually of no interest to you.

And last I checked, a man talking about Elder Scrolls lore with his wife isn’t going to turn her on.

8. See A Doctor

Sometimes a man has a low sex drive.  Deal with it.  Testosterone is a difficult hormone to measure accurately and even more difficult to raise naturally.

Or maybe you are just a bore in bed.  Do you actively flirt with your husband at times?  Do you like to engage in foreplay or just lay back demand he get it over with?

The point is, seeing a doctor may help, but demanding that he see a doctor in order to fulfill your own desires is selfish and spiteful.  What would you say if he demanded you see a doctor for all those “headaches” you have?

9. Love Her Anyway

Love is an action.  And a husband’s love is not the same as a wife’s love.

The husband is the head of the household.  This means that he bears the responsibility to lead his wife and children in a manner that is pleasing to God.  It is a heavier burden than most women (and many men) realize.  It requires that he ensure the spiritual well-being of those he loves.

And sometimes that is tough love.  If a wife is being spiteful or selfish, he is under no obligation to give in to her petty demands.  She is being rebellious and thus sinning against God and her husband.

Likewise, he is required to be the moral center of the family, teaching right and wrong to the children and ensuring that his wife lives up to this expectation as well.  It is a heavy burden when your family’s spiritual well-being is on your shoulders.

In conclusion, I believe that Sheila means well, but she appears to be coming from a jilted wife standpoint and comes across as abrasive rather than loving or respectful.  Her demands are about the wife’s benefit and not the husband’s.  Nothing she has said comes close to good advice for a husband and much of it is anti-Biblical.