Toxic Female Red Flags

The biggest news of last week, despite many misgivings, was the outcome of the Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard trial.  It was big news largely because a man was able to get his honor back from a toxic woman.

Well, what little honor he had.  Depp isn't exactly going to be canonized as a saint.

And while I could do an analysis of the trial's outcomes, that's all been done to death and frankly, there are better men than me who could write or talk about it.

What I would like to talk about is how to spot a toxic female and maybe share some tips on what to do in avoiding them.  This is by no means an exhaustive list nor is any one item here a definite indicator of a toxic female, but they should serve as red flags when you first meet her or start dating.

• If she tells you that she is bisexual early on.  You may see this as an invitation to fulfill your wildest sexual fantasy, but the reality is it means she is probably extremely narcissistic.  Also, I've been told that threesomes aren't as fun as porn portrays them by reliable sources.
• If she admits to you that she was abused as a child early on.  Again, this is her trying to get you to focus on her and create an artificial sense of trust.  She's trying to appeal to your desire to be a white knight and save her from her wreck of a life.  But you can't fix her.
• If she initiates sexual contact early on in the relationship.  While women do desire sex or at least companionship through sex, non-toxic women will withhold from you until they feel more comfortable with being vulnerable.  This really applies to you if you're not a natural Alpha.  If you're an Alpha, this probably happens with normal women.  For everyone else, you have to work for it.
• If she seems to lack meaningful relationships or has a string of bad break-ups with friends who were not romantic interests.  While having a series of bad boyfriends can be a red flag, if they have trouble maintaining long-term friendships, then this is a big red flag.  Now, if she's extremely introverted, then she's probably not interested in having many friends.  But even extremely introverted women will have at least a couple of friends.
• She lacks the desire to cook and clean.  A woman who lives like a slob is probably not a good catch.  I'm not saying she has to be a neat freak or a master chef, but if she's constantly ordering take-out or leaves trash lying around her apartment, then she's probably got deep baggage.
• She drinks a lot on the first couple of dates.  Excessive drinking around people who are basically strangers is destructive behavior, especially in women.  I'm not saying that women shouldn't drink alcohol or that they shouldn't have a glass of wine or a beer over dinner.  I'm saying that if she's getting hammered on the first date, you probably should just get her home safely and lose her number.

Again, I'm going to emphasize that these items are not an exhaustive list nor do they all indicate that she is a toxic woman if she falls into one or more of these categories.  They are simply data points for red flags of the possibility that she's toxic.

If you're a young man, have a son who's a young man, or simply are good friends with a young man, then it would be a good idea to keep these things in mind.  Encourage other men to have higher standards in women and to not simply latch on to the first woman who throws herself at him.

I'm almost certain that Amber Heard fits many of these red flags, with her being bisexual and doing illicit drugs being the only ones I can confirm.  I am sure Johnny Depp felt lucky to have an attractive, young twenty-something giving him loads of attention and sex.  I know I would.

But there were probably a ton of red flags surrounding Heard as well when he first started to date her and I'm sure he overlooked them because the sex was good and she was fun to be around.  If he had been more discerning and taken a more rational approach when dating her, he might have been able to avoid this six-year-long ordeal.

As for Amber Heard, I'm not going to demonize her.  Given her professional diagnosis, I hope she seeks out the professional help she desperately needs.  But she won't find it in other people, especially romantic partners.

She should be an object lesson for men everywhere who are looking to date women.  If you suspect she has a Borderline Personality Disorder or something related to it, you cannot fix her, even if you marry her.  For the sake of your mental and physical health, I would recommend you avoid toxic women.  Long term, nothing good comes from such relationships.