Loading...

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Unsolicited Advice for Young Men on Marriage

Marriage advice for young men from a married man:

  • Don’t let your sex drive dictate your relationships.  Yes, you should approach attractive women in order to mate with them for life.  But while attractiveness is a highly valued feature among most men who are seeking a life-mate, keep in mind that most women are irrational and the hot ones are more likely to be so.  This is because very attractive women are used to being treated very well by other people and so they expect everyone to worship the ground they walk on.  I’m not saying don’t date such women, just something to keep in mind.
  • Never marry a woman who is two levels above your own sexual marketplace value, unless you are really good at Game (and most men are not, even those Game-aware).  This is because she is more likely to divorce you due to being unhappy with you.  While you may believe yourself to have lucked out, she will view you with contempt eventually.  She will wonder what she could have had, had she not married you.  50% of the time, this doesn’t end well.
  • Get in shape and lift weights.  Be more attractive physically.  Keep that going, even in marriage.  Just because you got her to swear an oath before God to stay with you until one of you dies, it doesn’t mean you get to stop being awesome.
  • Don’t concern yourself with marriage when you’re in your early to mid-twenties.  You have not reached your peak value yet and your job probably doesn’t bring in much money anyway.  So instead focus on your career, your friendships, and building your own life.  A woman is more likely to say, “yes” when you have long-term prospects that you are willing to share.
  • Understand that Game doesn’t end when you get married.  You will have to engage in Alpha behaviors often.  Beta behaviors will have to activate from time to time, but always be sure to maintain frame.
  • Don’t tell your wife/girlfriend/fiancĂ© every secret you have.  You don’t owe her anything in this regard.  It’s okay to keep things from her, provided they are not things which damage the actual relationship (like adultery).
  • For Christian men, understand that she is not your accountability partner.  Your sins are not for her to know unless it directly affects your relationship with her.  So if you are looking at pornography, for instance, it is none of her damn business.  And unless she can respond to catching you looking at it by stripping down and taking you back to your bedroom for a midnight romp, she is in no position to judge.
  • Understand that you are the head of the household.  Don’t let her take power away from you as she will despise you for it.  Women want to be lead by men (mostly) and they find taking charge to be attractive.  It makes them feel safe and cared for.  But they also like to test you and losing your frame and conceding ground makes her hate you all the more.
  • From time to time, your wife will lose her shit and say and do completely irrational things.  It happens to the best of them.  Don’t blame it on hormones or yourself.  It is just her trying to work something out emotionally.  Do not let her get away with anything either.  At the end of it, she should apologize for her small fits.
  • Learn how to do laundry, cooking, and cleaning.  This is not so that you can do it for her, but so that you know how to do these things in case she does leave you.  It also works as Dread Game in that you can replace her at any time or live without her.  Nothing gets a woman to get closer to her husband than the knowledge that her gravy train can run out soon.
  • Understand that there is no such thing as a balance between work life and personal life.  Your wife should also understand this and that you will probably spend your 20s, 30s, and 40s working hard so that you can spend the rest of your life on an easier path.  A paid for house in your 50s is worth more than 22 trips to Disneyworld in your 30s.
  • Finally, don’t be afraid of divorce.  If she ever threatens it, just tell her to pack her bags and leave if she really feels that way.  If things get really bad, don’t be afraid to leave yourself, although I’d only recommend it if she has cheated on you.  Remember that most men come out on top even after the worst of divorces.  So if you get divorced, especially in your 30s and early 40s, you will have a huge opportunity to make a better life for yourself.

That’s about all I can think of.  Most of this is from my own mind, not necessarily from experience.  Take it for what it’s worth but know that I’m not perfect so my advice may be flawed or foolish.