Now that I’m married, I can look back on my life and realize that I haven’t missed much in terms of the dating world. It seems to me that most men who go out on dates are really just wasting their time and money. As a Christian, I find this to be especially true of Christian dating, where the problems are increased by the rising sexual tension. I seriously blue ball was a myth myself until I starting courting my future wife. Of course, courtship was much different from dating in that I was pretty sure I was going to marry this girl, I just needed to go through a vetting process to make sure she wasn’t crazy.
The problem with dating in modern, secular society is that it involves two different things for men and women. For women, it is all about finding a compatible mate and usually this means going on several dates with several men before finding the right one. From what I’ve seen, most women are either incredibly picky or incredibly clingy to the point of damaging themselves. Most of the single women who are still friends with my wife get caught up in bad relationships and end up unhappy but too afraid to find their own way.
For men, the dating game is mostly about sex. Yes, there are a lot of men who get into the game in order to find a mate, but the purpose of a mate in a male’s mind is a permanent sex partner. Just about every man expects marriage to be nothing but a series of interesting sexual encounters with his partner with no strings attached. But when you get married, that is usually only the first year or so, depending on how soon she pops a few children out and how soon you get back into the normal routines of life (you know, going out and working for money and all that).
As far as I can tell, the Christian dating scene is very similar, except for the fact that there is less sex because fornication is a sin. Still, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen within Christian circles, we just tend to not talk about it except during obscure confessions at our Bible studies. Even then, we all forgive the perpetrator, pray for him or her, and then we go on our merry way, ignoring the fact there is serious problem going on. It wouldn’t surprise me if a large portion of the abortions performed every year are supposedly good Christian girls. I know my wife was told by her mom that she had that option. It infuriated my wife at the time (she was in high school I believe).
In any case, the goals are usually very different for both sexes. The dating scene is largely glorified in our entertainment culture, but the reality is usually much different. Even when they are trying to be closer to real life, Hollywood usually gets it wrong. Yet we all try to imitate fiction with our own version. The truth is that most people don’t have those kind of dates and usually end up at a mainstream restaurant that isn’t all that expensive.
In any case, I don’t see much of a point in dating. I think it is overhyped and a huge waste of time and money. The truth is, if your goal is to get married, it won’t be through dating random people. It will more than likely happen because you just find someone who you do well with. I don’t know, it just kind of happens. There certainly is no shortage of stories out there of how various men and women met and got married.
I guess it depends on how much you place value on your relations with the opposite sex. My personal experience is that most women are not worth spending any amount of time with, let alone sleep with. Of course, I’m the odd man out and probably a bigger loser than most people give me credit for, so take what dating advice I give for what it’s worth (which just so happens to be free).