First of all, you are always right about the primary causes of problems in the world. Next to original sin, government causes more societal problems than a gang of criminals or illegal drugs (which are caused by the government). Pretty much every problem facing our economy, nation, and people can be traced to bad government intervention in some way. For example, because the government imposes high tariffs on sugar imports, cheap sugar is hard to come by. Instead, junk food manufacturers use corn syrup, which is heavily subsidized by the government. As a result, our kids get fatter than they should be because pure cane sugar in soda would have been healthier.
Another thing I like about being a libertarian is that you know just how dumb people really are and you’ve come to accept it. You’re not trying to change people’s behavior through government mandates or taxation, you’re only interesting in making sure they leave you alone. Stupid people tend to be really annoying, especially when you are out and about doing your daily business. This is the primary reason why I hate going out on Saturdays. I’d rather stay home and play video games, not because I’m necessarily antisocial, even though I am, but because I really hate Saturday drivers. And most of these idiots have kids too. But it’s OK, you know that the only reason such people exist is because the government gives them welfare checks. Most stupid people would starve to death or become mature responsible adults if the government cut out entitlement spending completely.
A really fun thing about being a libertarian is that you’re always in rebellion mode. Heck, even if you manage to return the Federal government to its constitutional limits, you’ll still be fighting the constitutionally protected infringements on your liberty and property. It’s also great to tell my fellow Christian conservatives that I’m a libertarian. They act like I’m a prophet of Baal or something and wonder about my faith. Even better was when I told my liberal grandmother that I was a libertarian. Her jaw nearly fell off she was so shocked.
It’s also fun to point out the fallacies in conservative thought. Like when I point out that our defense spending, overall, is about 1/3 of the Federal budget, which is about $1 trillion, yet we can’t seem to keep some douchebag from trying to blow up his underpants on a plane. Maybe the solution is not more government intrusions into our liberties, but privatizing airport security. After all, the government always manages to hire the lowest common denominator to ruffle through women’s clothing at the security checkpoints. Now they get to masturbate to us nude with those utterly useless full body scanners. So when a conservative is complaining about wasted spending, he is really just complaining about that money not being wasted on his programs.
Finally, you get a pass on things like shaming people publicly for being assholes. You see, libertarians don’t have to call the police, largely because we don’t trust them and know they are mostly useless, so we take action ourselves. If you try to rape our women, break into our house, or steal our hubcaps, chances are we will shoot you then call our lawyer, then call the police. The police, to us, are really just the clean up crew for crime. We also enjoy yelling at neighbors who insist on partying at 2 AM on a Sunday or people who talk loudly on their cell phones in public places. We know the value of our time and we are not afraid to charge you for it if you waste it.
So I encourage you to join us and become part of the new liberty movement. The one that doesn’t rely on the government to keep us safe, which they can’t, monitor our health and well-being, which means they’ll euthanize us, and protect our property by locking us up for our own good. You’ll have true freedom and you’ll be able to take the teeth out of government mandates. Because every law that is passed is just one more tyranny to endure, so just ignore it.
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