I am a white cismale and I am privileged. Behold my list of privileges and cower before me:
- I was unable to qualify for any of the scholarships made available due to my gender and race and only above average intelligence. I had the privilege of working for higher education both during and after college.
- I have the privilege of approaching women and pursuing them romantically, provided I demonstrate the appropriate level submissiveness to her demands which include free drinks, free dinner, a free movie, and any other thing she wants to do in exchange for the possibility of a kiss on the lips at the end of the date.
- I have the privilege of seeing my hard-earned money being taken out of my paycheck and sent off to help self-entitled welfare recipients, many of whom wouldn’t give me the time of day should I cross paths with them.
- I have the privilege of being arrested should my wife beat me and I call the cops on her.
- I have the privilege of going into debt in order to own an overpriced house.
- I have the privilege of voting only to see myself be outvoted by the ever increasing numbers of single women who will continue to vote away my income to themselves.
- I have the privilege of being designated as a slave to the military from age 18 to 25, despite slavery being illegal in the US for over a hundreds years now.
- I have the privilege of being unable to say certain words without being labeled with equally offensive words.
- I have the privilege of automatically being considered a child molester within law enforcement, community organizations, churches, and in the justice system.
- I have the privilege of being told I am a child for enjoying video games while seeing my manhood questioned for not being interested in football or other competitive sports.
- I have the privilege of having my manhood questioned all the time while criticizing the credentials of vaginas or skin color is considered to be bigoted.
- I have the privilege of losing my children to my wife, along with significant portions of my income, if she decides to divorce me, even if she abuses the children and/or committed adultery, or even if she is in jail.
- I have the privilege of not being taken seriously if I am raped by a man.
- I have the privilege of being laughed at if I am raped by a woman.
- I have the privilege of being blamed for shit that went down decades before I was born.
- I have the privilege of being automatically labeled a rapist should any woman choose to levy that accusation against me.
- I have the privilege of seeing fathers and husbands on television and in movies be portrayed as complete and utter morons or depicted as corrupt, evil sexual deviants.
- I have the privilege of seeing women stand up for people like me because for me to stand up for me is misogynist, racist, homophobic, and just bigoted in general.
- I have the privilege of being told to remain silent and endure the insults, the vile taunts, and the insanity of those who oppose me.
- I have the privilege of not having to worry about my reproductive rights.
- I have the privilege of being assumed to be beating my child, despite statistics showing that mothers are far more likely to beat their children than fathers.
- I have the privilege of being assumed to be beating my wife, despite statistics showing that women are just as likely to beat their significant others and are more likely to send them to the hospital.
- I have the privilege to be told to “man up” if I express dissatisfaction with the quality of romantic partners in the sexual marketplace.
If any woman or minority wishes to have any of these privileges, feel free to have them.