In my previous post, I highlighted the problems in modern marriage, along with a very brief history how it got to be where it is today. This was intentional as we cannot even begin to solve a problem without understanding it to begin with.
So what do we do with marriage now? Traditional marriage is gone. What was once a sacrament or holy covenant is now nothing more than a relationship in modern times. Anyone who argues otherwise is either deluded or lying.
Modern marriage has usurped the husband’s role as protector, provider, and preacher and instead we see either a kind of partnership or one where the wife is in charge. This reversal is praised amongst the Christian and secular alike.
Fixing the institution is no easy matter. There are many changes that can be implemented, many of which may result in a better system. Unfortunately none of these changes will probably ever be implemented at any point in the near future and most certainly not through any law or government policy change.
My first suggestion is for our culture to stop pursuing romantic relationships with the intention of making marriage the final endgame. In the past, marriage was the only avenue for pursuing romantic affections. Now this is not how it was practiced, however, at least it was the socially accepted view of romance and marriage. You got married to pursue romance not the other way around.
If everyone generally accepts that marriage is the place for romantic pursuits, I think a lot problems inherent in the dating world get resolved. For one thing, men and women would know that the person they pursue romantically would be the one they also marry. Instead of wasting their time and energy on people who probably aren’t right for them, we may see people actually finding suitable partners and shift focus on long-term planning rather than destructive one-night stands.
Another effect this would have is that the concept of courtship would be reintroduced. True courtship where parents would check and see if a man is worthy of their daughter or if a woman would make a decent wife.
My second suggestion is that women do not go to college unless they have both an interest and an aptitude for a major that is either hard science, technology, engineering, or mathematics. And certainly they should not go to college at all if they are average or below in their graduating class (this applies to men as well but that’s not relevant here).
The reason for this is actually quite sound. Women reach their sexual peak in their 20s and start a decline after that. So what we are doing by encouraging women to go to college and get a career is stealing their best years of attractiveness and fertility in favor of a mediocre job prospect and mounds of debt.
The after effect of college for most women leaves them unattractive both as sexual partners (Freshman 15) and as marriage prospects (massive student loan debt). Young college girls often lose their virginity as well in college where being a slut is considered a virtue rather than a vice. This leaves them used up for any potential husbands.
This brings me to my third solution: encourage women to remain virgins until marriage. If my first solution is followed, this is not as difficult as it seems. The reason that women should maintain virginity until marriage is quite simple: men want to marry a virgin. This is a cross-cultural standard and has been something that has generally been accepted throughout all of history.
There have also been studies that have shown that divorces are less likely when women have had fewer previous sexual partners. While some may find these dubious at best, it does provide some insight into a woman’s psyche. If she has had previous partners and her husband is currently no good at sex, she will yearn for her past lover rather than help her current husband get better.
This brings up divorce, which has become almost as easy as a simple break-up except that oftentimes men are left becoming wage slaves to their ex-spouses in many ways. Women have been given unprecedented “equality” when it comes owning property, voting, and holding a job but our divorce court system operates under the assumption that she is incapable of working and supporting her own family. Of course, this inequality is not something feminists complain about.
What needs to be revised is how we treat divorce as a society. First of all, it should be considered shameful if a woman divorces her husband for any reason other than adultery or abuse. And in both cases, they need to be confirmed by a third party or by an open confession of the husband. The courts should not take the woman’s word for it and neither should the rest of us. Note that the same should apply to the husband who wishes to divorce his wife, just in case you think I am picking on women in this case.
Another thing that needs to happen is that regardless of who initiates the divorce, paternity tests need to be done with all the children who are eligible for child support. A soon to be ex-husband should not be paying for children who are not his. That is outright fraud.
One other standard of divorce should that whoever decides to initiate divorce proceedings needs to walk away from the marriage with nothing but whatever clothes he or she has with them. Let your spouse keep the money, the property, and the kids. Right now our divorce culture is such that many women see it as a way of getting shit from their ex-husbands as a means of revenge and the family court system is all too happy to oblige.
The goal of these things is to make it harder to divorce for everyone. I’ve heard that in the United States, wives are usually the ones who initiate divorce proceedings and many times it is done so for frivolous reasons. In many cases, it is a simple case of a wife who is unhappy with her lack of a fairy tale marriage.
As for keeping the marriage relationship stable, so that divorce does not come up, there needs to be changes in how our society views the roles of a husband and the roles of a wife.
The husband needs to be the head of the household. What this means, is that he makes the decisions on the important matters and always has total veto power over his wife. It is a heavy burden as much as it is a privilege. All the responsibility of the family is on the head of the husband and it is his responsibility to keep his wife’s well-being in line (not through supplication) and raising the children as he sees fit. He is the spiritual head, teaching his family about God and His Word. He calls the shots and accepts the consequences for his actions.
The wife is to submit to her husband in just about everything he asks of her. She should calm his carnal needs whenever he asks her, she should manage the household as she sees fit unless her husband overrides her, and she should ensure that home is a place he wants to come home to. In other words, a wife should act like a helper, not a mother, to her husband.
If the roles of a husband and a wife are back into the proper context where the husband is the head and his wife is his helper, you will see a lot more marital contentment. To reach this, men need to step up and assert themselves in their own marriages. Most women will submit in the face of a confident and an assertive male because women are naturally agreeable. But it will be difficult and you may find yourself on the wrong end of a divorce. If that happens, then she was probably going to do it anyway.
But this is very important: do not cheat on your wife. No, I do not mean pornography, although it would be good to give that up. I mean real adultery where you have real sex with another person who is not your wife. Even if your wife is not giving you the sex she is obliged to do, two wrongs don’t make a right.
Wives, be submissive to your husbands. What I mean is that whatever he asks of you, do it without question or complaint, even if it is sex when you really don’t want to. Serve him and he will be more likely to treat you the way you want to be treated. And you may find that you like it.
Overall, I think these are things that need to happen in order to bring about a stronger marriage institution. Creating a society with a strong marital structure means that said society will produce more stable, productive people who do not drag on their community but strengthen it.
And a strong community means a stable and thriving civilization.