A couple at my church are getting divorced. I’ve known them since I was in middle school. They have three daughters, two of whom are engaged. And yet, it doesn’t come as a huge surprise to me. They always seemed a little distant whenever I was around them. I didn’t expect them to be always cuddling in public or anything but I never seemed to notice them acknowledge each other being in the same room. Like they were roommates who were just waiting for the lease to run out.
I found out from my wife who talked with the woman about it. She says that they had gone to counseling and did everything she could think of to get it working. She also says that he was openly seeing another woman in front her. Well, he was getting dressed up to go out on dates with her.
I don’t know the man’s side. I wish I did because I am certain he has his own, very good reasons for adultery. I am not saying that he was right to do so by any stretch of the imagination, but I suspect that he did this because he no longer felt married to his wife.
As a man, I can safely say that sex is a crucial part of a successful marriage. If you are not having sex regularly, then you marriage is in trouble. Unless there is a physical reason for not being able to have sex, then you will have a marriage problem.
I know, you’ve probably heard the whole line about getting married for sex is like buying the cow for the milk. But using that analogy makes you a giant, feminized pussy. If you bought the cow, you get free milk every fucking day, provided you take proper care of it, right?
The problem with modern Christianity is that it has diminished the role of men and made them think like women when it comes to issues of marriage. As a Christian man, I can meet all of my needs either on my own or with friends, save for sex. I can only get sex through proper marriage. Other than that, I need my wife like a fish needs a bicycle.
This does not mean that I want to divorce her or that I despise her. She just got back from an overnight trip with my son and I missed both her and my son a whole lot (my son more, but he’s a baby who smiles a lot so it’s really hard to compete with that). I am just saying that everything, save for sex, that she brings to the table is stuff that I can take care of as well. The reason I want her around is related to David Ricardo’s comparative advantage.
The sign of a healthy marriage is how often the couple has sex. And a woman who refuses sex is guilty of sin. And while a man has no right to sin in response, he will, over time, decide to look elsewhere to meet his own desires.
I don’t know if this is what really happened between this couple I know. Honestly, I probably will never know the whole truth of what happened. And I won’t pry into their personal lives. But I wonder, did any of the therapists and councilors they met with ever suggest that maybe the wife do more to satisfy her husband’s needs? Or did they all just tell him to be submissive to his wife in the commonly unchristian manner in which our modern society accepts as normal.