Being a libertarian-minded, young upstart, I sometimes find myself finding the government to blame for just about everything. Usually, if they did not get in the way, then maybe, just maybe, the situation would resolve itself. In most cases that is true, but in the case of marriage, I find that the government is not to blame for the mess of an institution that it is.
You see, I do not agree with either side of the debate. You have the side that wants marriage to be defined more flexibly and you have the side that wants to preserve it on the fallacious notion that it is holding Western civilization together. I think I come down on the third option, which is probably a cop out, but nonetheless a unique moral stance that few people take or accept.
I believe that the breakdown of marriage in our society is not because of the government loosening of marriage laws and with the rise of no-fault divorce laws, but because of a deep-rooted moral breakdown in our society. No amount of laws, decrees, or threats of death could resolve that because people react badly when the government starts telling them who they are allowed to have sex with (provided that person is a consenting adult, of course).
When then Governor Ronald Reagan signed the no-fault divorce law in California, he did so because the people demanded it of him. He could have taken a moral high-ground, but I think he recognized something in society that was changing and to take a moral stance then would have involved casting stones in glass houses.
I think the movement to loosen the restrictions on divorce was a backlash against a culture that forced marriage on unwilling people who did not want to spend their lives in misery. Honestly, given the context of how so many people treat marriage, I think they would have been better off single. While children conceived out of wedlock is dysfunctional, children conceived in a loveless marriage is just as bad, if not worse. I can personally attest to seeing some pretty messed up young adults due the lack of love in their parent’s marriage.
On the other hand, you have a lot of people who seek to redefine marriage. That is an impossible task for me as a Christian because I know that God only accepts one form of marriage and disregards others. But what they are doing here is seeking moral justification for their union from the government. That is a difficult thing to grant since our system of laws are defined by the representatives of the people. It is a simple case of circular morality (people seek moral guidance from a government by the people).
My stance is really about not caring about what other people do. I have a solid foundation in the morals God has laid out for us and I am secure enough in my marriage to know that no matter what happens, at the end of the day I will stay married as long as I can (death or one those three A's that justify divorce).
As a Christian, it is a difficult stance to take, especially because I risk being labeled a supporter of gay rights or at the very least a moral coward. But I consider this stance to be the ultimate moral stance. I am telling people that I will live by example and show whoever happens to be paying attention that you can do it a better way.
I also believe that pushing for traditional marriage only hurts the spread of Christianity. The primary reason is because we are essentially using the force of government to impose a moral stance on other individuals. We are criminalizing something that we cannot even justify in our lives because the institution of marriage is so broken in this country, we are practically hitting their specks with our planks. Non-believers will see this as an attack on them, not as some kind of preservation of our civilization. And when we attack like that, we hurt our chances at allowing others to know Him.
Instead of pushing for the government to preserve our values, maybe it is high time we made a serious effort to live them ourselves. Perhaps we should instead spread the Gospel instead of the iron fist of government. God has converted more sinners into saints than any of us ever could. Besides, that is not our job as it is only to give others the opportunity to know Him. God will take care of the rest in His own way.
He always has and He always will because it is, after all, His Will.