Thursday, January 2, 2014

On Christian Husbands

I’ve gotten into the manosphere over the past year or so.  For those of you who don’t know what it is, it is basically a series of blogs about dealing with women in a practical way.  Some of them are merely about hooking up with as many girls as you can (this is probably where it got started), but some are also about improving your own masculinity in the face of feminism.  In many cases, they highlight the problems inherent in our society due to the rise of feminism.

As a devout Christian man who was already married before I found out about a lot of these things, I find that I may have missed out on much.  Then again, I may have not, as I never was big on one-night stands or following through with a bang list, Christian faith notwithstanding.

But it has refined my own views on marriage and dating from a Christian perspective.  And while much of what I now believe is relatively unchanged, I have a clearer perspective on what is going on.

For one thing, I believe that if you are a Christian man (and 82% of Americans claim to be Christian) and you are married, then you are not permitted to divorce your wife, unless she has been caught in adultery.  Adultery has been stretched in recent years to include pornography and, in some cases, leering at another person.  And while Jesus has made it clear that your heart needs to be right with God, the physical act of adultery is what I am referring to here.

So, other than that, you are stuck with your wife.  I guess “stuck” is a harsh term as most men, Christian or not, have pretty decent relationships with their wives.  Sure it could be better, but it could be much worse.  The problem with this status is that most women will view this as stagnation or unhappiness.  Most women are raised to believe that marriage is forever rainbow-shitting ponies with gumdrop smiles.  Any discomfort or difficulty is seen by many women as trouble in the marriage.  More on that later.

In any case, a Christian husband is the head of the household.  This is not in dispute, as the Bible makes it clear what his status is.  A wife is required to submit and obey her husband, regardless of his own failings and shortcomings, provided he does not have her disobey God (those are extreme circumstances though).  A wife, however, has her own failings and will not submit unconditionally as we are to submit to God unconditionally.  Unfortunately, modern women have been brought up in an environment where the very act of submission is considered ungodly, even in the most devout churches.

The problem that the modern Christian American husband faces is one of stolen leadership.  Our status as leaders of our household has been taken from us through subtle manipulations, as outright takeovers were all but impossible from women.  But they managed to takeover by using their charms and their supposed birthright as being a princess (bitch), which many men bought into.

So what is to be done?  You have an unruly wife who doesn’t respect you and you wish to reassert your leadership over the household.  Or perhaps you need some advice to help solidify it.  Or you are curious about what this misogynist author is talking about.  Whatever the case, here it is:

  • Never apologize, except when you know that you were wrong.  I have seen too many men say they are sorry for shit that was not their fault or was not wrong at all.  Your wife is not your accountability partner in life.  You are the leader of the household, not her, so anytime she demands you apologize, she is defying your headship.
  • As Christian husbands, we are called to love our wives.  While this does include doing loving things like bringing flowers home once in a while or whatever, there is another part of that which is often overlooked: you need to ensure that your household is disciplined in a Godly manner.  As God loves us, he also provides us with the guidance needed to properly live our lives in His Will.  By the same token, loving your wife means imposing discipline when needed.  This does not mean physical abuse (though I do advocate hitting back if struck by your wife), but it means that you ensure her spiritual well-being as well.
  • Understand that your wife will never love you in the way that you love her.  This does not mean that she does not love you.  Women are wired differently and so they have a different view of love.  For a man, love is sacrificial, while for a woman, love is emotive.  This is why they put a lot more stock in sex than men when it comes gauging their relationships.  Do not expect her to love you the way that you do and instead accept what love she gives to you.
  • Do not divorce your wife unless she commits adultery.  Even then, it is your call as to whether or not divorce her as she may repent of her sin.  Still, if she is caught once and does it again after repenting, then simply divorce her and be done with it.  A woman can make a mistake once.  A second time is a pattern of behavior that will only make you miserable.
  • Your wife is not permitted to deny herself sexually to you.  However, if she does do this, you are not permitted to break the marriage covenant by committing adultery nor are you permitted to take it by force.  This does not mean, however, that you should suffer in silence.  Instead, you should confront her on it, tell her she is violating her Christian duty as a wife, and leave it at that.  Do not argue with her about it or bargain with her.  In fact, if done right, she will actually feel guilty for missing out on something good.
  • In the rare case that your wife strikes you, then strike her back with full force.  You will probably go to jail because she doesn’t respect you anyway and will probably call the cops, who like to play white knight.  Accept it as an inevitability.  And once she knows that you will not tolerate physical violence brought against, to the point that you are willing to go to jail, she will not do it again.  Remember, a bully only preys on the weak.
  • If you catch her committing adultery, get a paternity test done on your children, if you have any.  If one or more is not yours, then you should divorce her, but know that you will probably have to pay child support even if you are not the father.  It sucks, but it happens.  Hopefully those laws will change in the future as paying child support for children that are not yours is a form of legalized fraud.
  • Understand that legally, you have no rights as a husband in the eyes of the American legal system.  This is due to years of feminist takeover of the government system as administrative jobs are the only thing that most women are capable of doing.  And while you may luck out, you may still end up with a judge or a clerk or a police officer with something to prove when it comes to women’s rights.  And that’s when your rights will be ignored.  So, be willing to lose everything, even your rights to your children and your paycheck, if you decide to divorce your wife.
  • Do not argue with your wife, especially when she gets into an emotional frenzy (which happens to most women from time to time).  Instead, tell her to knock it off and don’t respond to any of her accusations or arguments.  If need be, leave the house and go somewhere, provided that you are sure she will not harm your children, if you have any.
  • While a man’s primary vice is Lust, a woman’s is Envy.  Understand what envy is and look for it in your wife’s behaviors.  She will undoubtedly be envious of something, so make sure you bring into line when she does.  You are the moral head of your household and it is your responsibility to ensure that sin does not overtake it.  This is a difficult task, though, and it takes wisdom to discern it properly.  Especially since our society embraces envy more so than lust.
  • Try and find a way to ensure that you have a one-income household.  And make sure that you are the only one who is bringing home the income.  This is because a wife will not respect you if she makes more money than you do and because she is more likely to divorce if she works as well.  Also, most women are much happier being at home, whether they admit it or not.  The fact is that most careers are not rewarded much to both men and women and while motherhood can reap benefits that far outweigh what any employment situation can provide.
  • If you get divorced, for whatever reason, do not remarry unless she remarries first.  But take your time and enjoy your life without her.  Mourn the passing of your marriage for a time, but do not show unhappiness to her.  The fact is, men are more capable of making it on their own than women are, otherwise there would be no need for alimony or child support.  So embrace your new freedom and do what you want to do in life.  Nothing is holding you back now, save a few court-mandated income confiscations.

I suppose there is more, but this is advice I feel the need to share with my fellow Christian husbands who may feel like they are inadequate husbands or men in general.  I firmly believe that if Christian husbands were to take their proper roles in our society, many of the social ills we face due to feminism and other things would be marginalized.